An Open Letter To The ATO
Dear Australian Taxation Office,
I know you probably get this a lot, and i understand it’s annoying but before you get all huffy, please hear me out. I promise i’m different.
Recently i got to thinking. I am a model Australian citizen. I’m not even kidding. Aside from a minor DUI incident about 15 years ago (we’ve all been there, am i right?) i am clean as a whistle. In order to make this easy on you, here is a list of reason’s why via some super sophisticated dot points:
- I have never been on the doll (aka unemployment benefits).
- I have been employed since the day i finished school, in fact i was sweeping up sheep poo in shearing sheds for extra cash long before this if you really must know.
- I have never broken the law (except that one time mentioned above but i only got like 8 demerit points taken so i figure it doesn’t count).
- I have never missed a tax payment.
- I donate to charity way more than most people.
- I am spending as much of my hard earned cash as i can trying to boost the economy.
- I employ on average 7 young Australian’s a year (hi fives to small business, am i right?).
- I worked and contributed to the Australian economy through the entire process of giving birth to 3 young Australians, 2 of which i had at the same time (i’m a hairdresser FYI, you try doing that with 2 humans in your guts).
- All the while paying GST, employing staff, doing my bit for the economy…… you get where this is headed?
Being in small business right now is really hard. I’m not even kidding. Have you been to WA lately? It’s not looking good over here.
Anyway, i don’t want to come off looking like a total whiner, i love my job and i enjoy providing a service to the good people of Australia, i seriously do. BUT, my mum always said “if you don’t ask, you don’t get.” So here goes.
Australian Taxation Office i very firmly believe i deserve one year TAX FREE as a reward for my years of loyal service to you and this great country. Now i understand you can’t go around honouring requests like this all the time, obviously the country would turn to shit, so i just wanted to make it abundantly clear that if you adhere to my request i can promise you i won’t tell anyone. Yep. it’ll be our little secret.
I know your really busy but with Christmas just around the corner your decision effects my present budget so i really look forward to your prompt response.